Punishment and BDSM

An important element of many D/s relationships is discipline, and discipline means punishment! Please note that just because you're in a BDSM relationship doesn't mean you have to include BDSM punishments. You can definitely prioritize atmosphere, sadomasochism, or bondage over discipline. Or you might also want to prioritize positive reinforcement.

Rule number ONE : The Punishment Should Fit the Crime

It could be a bad attitude, a broken rule, or some other infraction. But whatever punishment you choose, it should be proportionate to the severity of the offense. Reserve the harshest punishments for the most serious—or repeated—infractions. Remember: prioritize less painful punishments to get the message across.

Punishment should never be inflicted in anger. Anger can lead to poor decisions about punishments. It's often helpful to take the time to think carefully about the appropriate punishment for the offense and to be careful not to overdo it. Never exceed the limits of what your submissive can tolerate, which brings us to our next point.

Rule number TWO : Know your submissive well, his expectations and his limits.

Punishments should be practical and achievable. Avoid imposing a punishment if you know your submissive won't be able to carry it out. Failure is not your goal here. For example, a person with arthritis or an injury cannot be expected to remain motionless for an extended period of time when this might be a good punishment for an able-bodied person.

Of course, avoid potentially dangerous punishments, especially those that dehydrate or cut off circulation. It's up to you to know what your submissive can accomplish. Be alert to any signs of distress. Always stop or adjust the punishment before it becomes problematic.

You have two powerful tools at your disposal when it comes to punishment.

The first is the 'safe word'. It ensures that you never exceed your submissive's limits since the latter always has this security to interrupt the session, whether it is a concern for moral or physical limits (Remember to establish a safety gesture if the person is gagged).
The second is dialogue. Before venturing into uncharted territory, try to see with the person concerned how they position themselves in relation to this or that punishment (If possible, be organized, question well before using the punishments concerned to keep the element of surprise when the time comes). Some have them fill out a sort of multiple choice questionnaire with a set of possible punishments and for each one the possibility of indicating that it would be experienced "with a lot of excitement", "with a little pleasure", "as a small punishment", "as a severe punishment", "as an ultimate punishment" (Soft limit, to be used only in truly justified cases) or if it is something totally forbidden (Hard limit). I think that the presence of a "To see" box is useful for things never tried and for which we do not have a priori a clear and definite opinion. This classification can of course evolve over time, it is not "contractual" and the submissive must be able to modify it at will in one direction or the other.

Moreover, knowing your submissive allows you to answer the eternal question “how to punish someone who likes to be punished?”. You will just have to find out which punishments excite him and which ones do not give him pleasure at all!

Rule number THREE : No Surprise Discipline

When punishing, your submissive should always know what he did wrong. Give him the opportunity to explain; it can even be a real torture for him if you ask him to suggest an appropriate punishment. If he doesn't understand his mistake, you should explain it to him. By doing this, he will know exactly why he is being punished and that the punishment is fair and justified.

Of course, nothing prevents the occasional role-playing scenario that allows for unjustified punishments "just for the dominant's pleasure." Being in the hands of a sadistic guardian is perfectly acceptable in this case, and this type of scenario can even be a punishment in itself, the consequence of a fault.

Examples of possible punishments

SPANKING: Spanking (whether by hand or with props) is undoubtedly the first and most common form of punishment. Some have elevated it to the rank of Art! (See the page dedicated to the subject by clicking here)
GOLDEN SHOWER and ONDINISM: Controlling access to the toilet is a humiliating punishment that can take various forms (wearing diapers, relieving yourself outside on a leash, relieving yourself lying down in a bathtub or shower tray, not to mention that the Domina can also show you how little consideration she has for you at that moment by deciding to pee on you! (See page dedicated to the subject by clicking here)
Bondage works well as punishment. If you're not comfortable with ropes, handcuffs are a classic. The general concept is to prevent your submissive from moving as they wish, which can take the form of a book over their head or having to hold a ball between the wall and their nose. Being locked in a cage also falls into this category.
Mental bondage involves forcing your submissive to remain immobile for a set period of time. Breaking this position could warrant further punishment. Kneeling is a particularly common form of punishment among fetishists. Have your submissive kneel at your feet or in a corner; this will be uncomfortable but not seriously harmful, making it a good form of discipline when your submissive has broken the rules.
Restrictive punishments involve prohibiting something. This could be a common object, the right to sit, to speak, etc. It could also be a favorite thing like alcohol or coffee. The duration of the punishment will depend on the offense and the submissive's subsequent behavior. Another possibility is to prohibit speaking or to impose precise rules in the way of communicating, such as prohibiting certain common words or requiring Master or Mistress in every sentence.
Orgasm control is a particularly effective way to punish male submissives. You can make sexual pleasure conditional on obtaining your permission or decree mandatory chastity for a specific period of time. One form of orgasm control is called Ruined Orgasm, and this punishment is very effective. Of course, you can conversely milk your submissive with some regularity, which will quickly become very uncomfortable for him.
Some dominants like to use punishments constructively by forcing the submissive to study a specific topic before being interrogated, which may lead to further punishment.
The classic is to have the sentence "I must not (action committed which caused the punishment)" or the rule that was broken written a large number of times.
What chore does your submissive really hate? Cleaning the toilet? This will give you some great ideas for future punishments.
You can absolutely demand as punishment that you have to wear specific clothes, or specific underwear, or not wear any underwear, or even wear a plug.
Sport is a good way to punish.
Demanding something absolutely unnecessary can be a good way of punishing, such as moving a pile of rice from one room to another grain by grain.
Humiliation is a good way to punish some submissives. Demanding a strip tease, for example, but there are many possibilities like being transformed into a table or a statue, having to masturbate, having insults written on the body....